Indian Politics: lets nominate the winners and losers

So, the year is closing in and New Year is approaching. Lot of expectations, balance of trade and commerce, economic fundas, lot other things to make us happy and sad! So, let us look into the political story and nominate the winners and losers, the ones who made the news, laughed and clicked, while the ones who made themselves a laughing stock and dug own graves.

Here are the nominations for the winners:

Suresh Kalmadi: No doubt, one of the main contenders for the Gold medal for politics this year, with his self styled motto” Thank God for Commonwealth and Corruption”.  Hats off to his impeccable way of licking money and wearing that spotless bush shirt and trouser. He has made fraud an epitome of success and shown that honesty was never the best policy to be a star in the Indian administrative level. All's Well That Ends Well and the Commonwealth went off well - what more can you want? At the end of the day, the wealth is common and there’s no harm if it’s taken; did anyone prevent you from taking it? So it’s your fault altogether. Kalmadi, again one of those intelligent Indians after Harshad Mehta, who you should be proud of. In fact, he should be made the sports minister.

A Raja:  A man whom every MBA graduate should look up to, that’s how you handle crisis management. In fact he should be made the dean of any crisis management college. And again it has been proved that “looks can be deceptive”, Raja may not be that beautiful and suave, but his brain is as strong as ten heads of Ravan put together.  Tell me, how many times have you seen a man smile and remain stoic, even if you have the whole media, nation or your own government against you?  Hang the CAG, Supreme Court, 2G, 3G or whatever…the main motto, “paisa kamao” for you and your party.

Manmohan Singh: One of the safest Prime Ministers around, Mr. (ahem Dr), Singh has shown how easy a job it can be to become the PM of the largest democracy; actually there’s not much work. Like Suhel Seth rightly points out, “we are still debating if there is anyone running India or is it on autopilot”.  Before they used to kill PMs, but given the tight security nowadays, there are very slim chances of that too.  From onion prices to tiger deaths, he has got committees for everything. So Indians can have a peaceful sleep. Yes, his obedience towards the party and his leader is something that we should all learn from.

Mamata Banerjee: Trains, trains and more trains…the Indian rail Gadi minister, has her eyes fixed on the Bengal CM throne, (thanks to the Red corruption curtain).  She has a simple tactic: first deter industrialists from setting up plants and then use that vacant land to make a rail factory or introduce more trains to appease the Bengal audience.  After all, it’s the ‘ma mati manush’ that matters.

Oh, I forgot- the chairs and tables of the parliament.  Respite at last! No fat bodies to sit on them, no hands and fists to bang on the tables; no slangs, no quarrels, no fights- pin drop silence. The furniture of the parliament are really enjoying their time of solitude. The Indian parliament is in deadlocks, thanks to the 2G doing the rounds!

Now let us see the ones who sadly could not win this time-

Nitish Kumar: He may have become the CM, but then to quote Suhel again, he showed that, “Indian voters do care about silly things like development and all that”.  What the use of becoming the head of a state, when you can’t fill your bank balance and what’s the use of trying to trim down corruption, and making Bihar a better place. All that you are doing is injustice to mafias, MLAs and your corrupted bureaucrats; they too deserve a decent living, even if it is at the cost of public money.

Buddhadev Bhattacharjee: We should really pity the cultured and suave Bengal CM. Unlike Kumar, his neighbor has been made the ‘bali ka bakra’ for all the underdevelopments that his precursor, the great communist Basu did. And then you have the ‘devi didi’ who is ready to throw the spear on this white haired politician. He tried but he failed, thanks to the ‘no work’ attitude that has now become a household name in Bengal. Mr. Bhattacharjee, its better that you leave politics and become the chairman of Film Division of India- at least we will get to see some good films.

The aam admi: Lastly we the aam admi or the mango mass. Tried but always failed, filed cases but still waiting, cast votes but unfulfilled expectations- what more can you ask for being a loser. We don’t have security convoys and neither can we enjoy air travel always. All we can do is to watch Bollywood trash, listen to film songs and surf Lok Sabha TV to see some 520 buffoons playing cat and mouse with each other.  The average Indian will be sadder the next year.

So that’s the name of the ones nominated. Please send your choice via SMS (toll free) to 420. 

Indian Film Industry- the insurance factor

India has the world’s largest movie industry in terms of the quantity of movies produced. Since 1931, after the advent of talkies, the film industry has produced more than 67,000 films in more than 30 different languages. The year 2006 saw a great leap when the industry produced 1,013 films becoming the world's largest film producer.

The FICCI report states that the Indian Film Industry has a yearly profit of Rs 40 billion with employment to more than 6 million people. Making a film today involves a huge sum of money- huge sets, risky stunt scenes, latest equipments, let alone the huge salary paid to the actors. These factors demand some kind of mechanism through which a producer can safeguard his losses. This is where ‘Film Insurance’ comes into play.

Ironical but some untoward incidents prompted the emergence of insurance in Bollywood. After the arrest of Sanjay Dutt during 'Khalnayak', Subhash Ghai decided to insure his next movie 'Taal' by paying Rs 1.5 million as premium. Since then, producers have insured their movies against unforeseen risks. Some block busters that were insured included Mohabatein (Yash Raj Films): Rs 150 million, Lagaan (Aamir Khan Productions): Rs 150 million, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (Dharma Productions): Rs 220 million and Kuch Na Kaho (Ramesh Shippy): Rs 100 million.

Simultaneously, ad films too are seeing insurance. Today’s advertisements and promotional demand new concept and that needs more funds and set ups. The stunt scenes shown in the Akshay Kumar Thumps Up ad are pretty risky demanding insurance. All these factors lead the ambit of insurance to stretch to even ads.

Film Insurance is a healthy indication that Bollywood is now ready to recognize the new concepts which will help make it lucrative.   

                                            

Indian FM radio: not grown up yet

6:30 AM: Rahul gets up from bed. The weather’s cool outside and it gets his mood going. While readying for college he switches on the FM. But then something goes wrong, the station is playing the same Hindi song, he changes it and there too another Hindi movie song. Change after change, shuffle after shuffle, but alas he hears the same songs that he hears everyday- the same dull, drab Bollywood. Rahul turns off the radio in irritation. In a matter of minutes, his mood has changed from good to bad!

Well, not only Rahul, it can be your or mine story too. We at times feel irritated and over fed by the FM radio. Tell me how many times can you listen to the same songs over and over again? Whether it is the new ones or old songs, it’s Bollywood all over FM radio in India. And to add to it, you have those gyrating DJs blabbering drab and dull bullshits. The FM, it seems will never be able to get out of the boundary of Bollywood and think otherwise. And this is where it lacks behind the radio culture of other nations. I doubt how many programmes are aired on the FM channels, apart from Bollywood, Bollywood and Bollywood? Hardly few!

According to popular singer and composer Remo Fernandes, the FM channels here still have a long way to go to match the channels in western countries. There you have different stations for different music genres- if you like rock, you can turn on the rock stations, while if you like classical you can switch on to the similar ones. That’s how radio should be, but here its all absent, he laments. His concerns are echoed by real music buffs (not those stupid Bollywood music fans), who are sick and tired of listening to depth less Hindi film music. The situation is so under developed that you will only find a handful of regional FM stations.

Yes, our good old All India Radio does play a variety of music programmes, starting from talk shows to classical ones. But then there you have other problems (often illogical ones). Suddenly in the middle of a song, the news starts or an advertisement springs out of nowhere (which the human brain is incapable to understand). The result: your whole enjoyment is marred.  

Sadly, FM radio, being one of the major mediums of urban mass entertainment, is still in its embryonic stage. To be a perfect entertainment medium, it needs to shed the Bollywood image and act beyond that.