Indian Politics: lets nominate the winners and losers

So, the year is closing in and New Year is approaching. Lot of expectations, balance of trade and commerce, economic fundas, lot other things to make us happy and sad! So, let us look into the political story and nominate the winners and losers, the ones who made the news, laughed and clicked, while the ones who made themselves a laughing stock and dug own graves.

Here are the nominations for the winners:

Suresh Kalmadi: No doubt, one of the main contenders for the Gold medal for politics this year, with his self styled motto” Thank God for Commonwealth and Corruption”.  Hats off to his impeccable way of licking money and wearing that spotless bush shirt and trouser. He has made fraud an epitome of success and shown that honesty was never the best policy to be a star in the Indian administrative level. All's Well That Ends Well and the Commonwealth went off well - what more can you want? At the end of the day, the wealth is common and there’s no harm if it’s taken; did anyone prevent you from taking it? So it’s your fault altogether. Kalmadi, again one of those intelligent Indians after Harshad Mehta, who you should be proud of. In fact, he should be made the sports minister.

A Raja:  A man whom every MBA graduate should look up to, that’s how you handle crisis management. In fact he should be made the dean of any crisis management college. And again it has been proved that “looks can be deceptive”, Raja may not be that beautiful and suave, but his brain is as strong as ten heads of Ravan put together.  Tell me, how many times have you seen a man smile and remain stoic, even if you have the whole media, nation or your own government against you?  Hang the CAG, Supreme Court, 2G, 3G or whatever…the main motto, “paisa kamao” for you and your party.

Manmohan Singh: One of the safest Prime Ministers around, Mr. (ahem Dr), Singh has shown how easy a job it can be to become the PM of the largest democracy; actually there’s not much work. Like Suhel Seth rightly points out, “we are still debating if there is anyone running India or is it on autopilot”.  Before they used to kill PMs, but given the tight security nowadays, there are very slim chances of that too.  From onion prices to tiger deaths, he has got committees for everything. So Indians can have a peaceful sleep. Yes, his obedience towards the party and his leader is something that we should all learn from.

Mamata Banerjee: Trains, trains and more trains…the Indian rail Gadi minister, has her eyes fixed on the Bengal CM throne, (thanks to the Red corruption curtain).  She has a simple tactic: first deter industrialists from setting up plants and then use that vacant land to make a rail factory or introduce more trains to appease the Bengal audience.  After all, it’s the ‘ma mati manush’ that matters.

Oh, I forgot- the chairs and tables of the parliament.  Respite at last! No fat bodies to sit on them, no hands and fists to bang on the tables; no slangs, no quarrels, no fights- pin drop silence. The furniture of the parliament are really enjoying their time of solitude. The Indian parliament is in deadlocks, thanks to the 2G doing the rounds!

Now let us see the ones who sadly could not win this time-

Nitish Kumar: He may have become the CM, but then to quote Suhel again, he showed that, “Indian voters do care about silly things like development and all that”.  What the use of becoming the head of a state, when you can’t fill your bank balance and what’s the use of trying to trim down corruption, and making Bihar a better place. All that you are doing is injustice to mafias, MLAs and your corrupted bureaucrats; they too deserve a decent living, even if it is at the cost of public money.

Buddhadev Bhattacharjee: We should really pity the cultured and suave Bengal CM. Unlike Kumar, his neighbor has been made the ‘bali ka bakra’ for all the underdevelopments that his precursor, the great communist Basu did. And then you have the ‘devi didi’ who is ready to throw the spear on this white haired politician. He tried but he failed, thanks to the ‘no work’ attitude that has now become a household name in Bengal. Mr. Bhattacharjee, its better that you leave politics and become the chairman of Film Division of India- at least we will get to see some good films.

The aam admi: Lastly we the aam admi or the mango mass. Tried but always failed, filed cases but still waiting, cast votes but unfulfilled expectations- what more can you ask for being a loser. We don’t have security convoys and neither can we enjoy air travel always. All we can do is to watch Bollywood trash, listen to film songs and surf Lok Sabha TV to see some 520 buffoons playing cat and mouse with each other.  The average Indian will be sadder the next year.

So that’s the name of the ones nominated. Please send your choice via SMS (toll free) to 420.